You might find it hard to believe, but I haven’t always been the smooth talking Casanova that you know and love today. In fact, meeting members of the opposite sex has been a challenge for me most of my life. It’s not that I don’t deserve an “E” for effort, it’s just that I have never been awarded a “B” for balls. However, the night I’m going to tell you about is one of the few exceptions. It seemed as if the stars were perfectly aligned that night and I could do no wrong. Or so I thought.
One evening, I met a lovely young lady at my local watering hole and we just clicked. I seemed to be saying all the right things at exactly the right time. I was able to show off my amazing wit one minute, followed by my deep compassion for my fellow man the next. This incredible interaction went on for a couple of hours and then she looked at her watch and exclaimed “OMG, I almost forgot that I’m supposed to meet a group of my friends at another bar” and then asked me “Would you like to come along?” I figured “why the hell not?” and offered to drive.
When we arrived at the bar, her friends were already partying at full tilt. She introduced me around and I realized that this was a group with whom I could become fast friends. As a matter of fact, I soon became the center of attention and the life of the party. No matter what I said that night, it was either received with uproarious laughter or a deep understanding of the point that I was trying to convey. I even overheard one of her friends whisper to her “Where did you find this guy? He’s perfect for you”. Before I knew it, it was 1:30 am and the bartender was calling Last Call.
As I was driving her back to her car, I couldn’t help but feel that all I needed was just a little more time with her to seal the deal and that’s when I saw it. The “Kona Lanes 24 Hour Bowling Center” sign was like a message from the universe flashing out to me in neon light. I figured that with my immense bowling prowess from my days with the Junior Bowling League in the sixth grade (my high handicap won many a game for the team), this would be just what I needed to put me over the top. I suggested that we stop in for a game and she reluctantly agreed.
After signing up for a lane and receiving our rental shoes, we quickly chose our loner balls and proceeded to our lane. I decided that I would bowl first in order to show her exactly how it’s done. I assumed my proper bowling stance, wound up and took two steps forward, landing just short of the foul line. What I didn’t realize was that in my haste, I had chosen a ball with finger holes that were too small. The ball had literally stuck to my hand, catapulting my whole body down the lane and I ended up about five feet away from the pins. The entire bowling alley went dead silent and the only sound that could be heard was the uncontrollable laughter of my date. Not realizing how slippery a bowling lane was, I attempted to get to my feet, which let’s just say ended badly, causing the rest of the bowling alley to break out into laughter. After I crawled my way back to the scorekeepers table, I decided it was probably time to go home.
In my embarrassment, I neglected to ask for a phone number and needless to say I never saw that lovely young lady again. It’s like I always say Dude. “Never go nude bowling, unless you’re willing to show the entire alley your balls”
One evening, I met a lovely young lady at my local watering hole and we just clicked. I seemed to be saying all the right things at exactly the right time. I was able to show off my amazing wit one minute, followed by my deep compassion for my fellow man the next. This incredible interaction went on for a couple of hours and then she looked at her watch and exclaimed “OMG, I almost forgot that I’m supposed to meet a group of my friends at another bar” and then asked me “Would you like to come along?” I figured “why the hell not?” and offered to drive.
When we arrived at the bar, her friends were already partying at full tilt. She introduced me around and I realized that this was a group with whom I could become fast friends. As a matter of fact, I soon became the center of attention and the life of the party. No matter what I said that night, it was either received with uproarious laughter or a deep understanding of the point that I was trying to convey. I even overheard one of her friends whisper to her “Where did you find this guy? He’s perfect for you”. Before I knew it, it was 1:30 am and the bartender was calling Last Call.
As I was driving her back to her car, I couldn’t help but feel that all I needed was just a little more time with her to seal the deal and that’s when I saw it. The “Kona Lanes 24 Hour Bowling Center” sign was like a message from the universe flashing out to me in neon light. I figured that with my immense bowling prowess from my days with the Junior Bowling League in the sixth grade (my high handicap won many a game for the team), this would be just what I needed to put me over the top. I suggested that we stop in for a game and she reluctantly agreed.
After signing up for a lane and receiving our rental shoes, we quickly chose our loner balls and proceeded to our lane. I decided that I would bowl first in order to show her exactly how it’s done. I assumed my proper bowling stance, wound up and took two steps forward, landing just short of the foul line. What I didn’t realize was that in my haste, I had chosen a ball with finger holes that were too small. The ball had literally stuck to my hand, catapulting my whole body down the lane and I ended up about five feet away from the pins. The entire bowling alley went dead silent and the only sound that could be heard was the uncontrollable laughter of my date. Not realizing how slippery a bowling lane was, I attempted to get to my feet, which let’s just say ended badly, causing the rest of the bowling alley to break out into laughter. After I crawled my way back to the scorekeepers table, I decided it was probably time to go home.
In my embarrassment, I neglected to ask for a phone number and needless to say I never saw that lovely young lady again. It’s like I always say Dude. “Never go nude bowling, unless you’re willing to show the entire alley your balls”
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