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The Great Bush Fire of '91

5/29/2013

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It all started at the Paradise Lakes Resort June managers meeting. Mr. Ron Johnson, had recently handed down the position of Entertainment Director to me and I was beginning to realize just how big a pair of shoes I had to fill. I decided that what I needed was an extravaganza to really make my mark and attempt to live up to the legacy of my mentor. When it came my turn to speak, I just blurted out that I was going to put on the biggest damn 4th of July fireworks show that the nudist community had ever seen, never mind the fact that that my previous pyrotechnics experience consisted of firing bottle rockets from a sand dune on the beach in Ensenada.

I guess they were overwhelmed by my boldness or maybe just curious to see if I could really make it happen.  Nevertheless, they gave me a $400 budget and their blessing. After the meeting ended, my good friend and prince of all things mechanical, John, approached me and asked, “How the hell you plan on pulling this one off?”  I had to admit to him that I really didn’t have a clue. He said, “Don’t worry about a thing. I know a guy. Just get them to give you the cash and meet me up at the maintenance shed at 6pm sharp tomorrow afternoon.”

It took a little fast talking and whole lotta ass kissing to convince the office manager that this was all kosher, but after scribbling out a hand written receipt, she reluctantly handed over the cash. The next day, I arrived at the designated time, green backs in hand.  John was there waiting for me and after a few minutes, a white Ford Econoline van with blacked out windows pulled up next to us and out stepped a greasy haired Guido type. He smiled and said “Let’s do this”. He walked around to the back of the van, opened the doors and there it was; the biggest cache of explosives I had ever seen. I naïvely asked, “ So am I supposed to pick out what I want or what?” He said, “No Dude, this is what you get for $400.  Unload the truck, give me the cash and our business is finished here.”  I knew right then that this was going to be an amazing Independence Day celebration.

Finally, the big day arrived. My compadre, Anthony, helped me set up the display. We could see that a large crowd was assembling to secure optimal seating for the evening’s festivities. We started the show off by handing sparklers out to the children and then we moved on to some ground effects and some of the lower end rockets. Everything was going off without a hitch, but we had saved the best for last.

We fired off the first big rocket of our planned grand finale. It took off straight and true, but for some strange reason decided to make a 90’ degree turn heading directly for a lounge chair that was currently occupied by a lovely young lady. The rocket planted itself firmly under this woman’s chair and proceeded to perform its assigned routine. Unfortunately, this beautiful nudist had neglected to follow the cardinal rule of nudism and forgot to put down a towel before taking her seat.

As the flames whipped around her nether regions it was then that I witnessed one of the bravest acts of heroism I have ever seen before or since. Without any consideration for his own safety, Tony! Toni! Tone! lept to the aid of this unfortunate damsel in distress and in what I can only describe as a gentle patting procedure, extinguished the fire between her legs.  Luckily, the young lady was not seriously injured and after all the commotion settled down, we finished the grand finale to the delight of all in attendance.  At least that’s how I remember it.

This 4th of July, just keep in mind what Smokey always says “Only DUDES can prevent Bush Fires”.



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    About Wali,
    The Grateful Dude

    In my formative years, I was lucky enough to attend an amazing high school modeled after the freedom school from the Billie Jack films. The curriculum included outdoor education, pottery and organic farming and emphasized values like creativity, self awareness and a strong sense of community. I spent several summers traveling from show to show with The Grateful Dead and found that not only could I beat the crap out of a plastic bucket in a drum circle, I was also quite the imported beer salesman. My early career started off in the eighties driving limousine for posers, drug dealers and wannabe rock stars in Los Angeles. In the late eighties, I was introduced to the former owner of Paradise Lakes Nudist Resort who had just seduced and proposed to my roommate while she was on vacation in Florida. Fred took me aside one afternoon  and told me, “I like you, kid and since I’m taking your roommate and I’m pretty sure you can’t afford this beach rental on your own, why not come on out to Florida? I’ll find you a place to stay, give you a job and you’ll be surrounded by naked women”. So I loaded up my truck and moved to Paradise. Lakes, that is. Swimmin’ pools. Porno stars. (insert banjo solo here).

    I wake up every morning (well almost every morning) knowing that today is a wonderful gift to be unwrapped and explored. I believe that every day is filled with limitless possibilities and endless abundance. I’m convinced that our true purpose in life is to interact with our fellow beings and give witness to this amazing universe that surrounds us.

    If you are searching for miracles in life, you need go no farther than your backyard to realize that we are living in the midst of the greatest miracle of all.

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