The story you are about to read is an extremely graphic depiction of actual events, that once read, may be impossible to unread. Consider yourself warned.
When it comes to the pursuit of the opposite sex, the two things that I have going for me are a little bit of charm and a whole bunch of persistence. In my opinion, what I might lack in porn star stature, I more than make up for in enthusiasm. I remember one particular evening when I was on my A game and Vlad the Impaler was performing like a champ. I got so cocky (pardon the pun) that I decided to go for the full drawback, but before I realized that I had drawn back too far, it was too late and poor Mr. Happy slammed head first into a brick wall (so to speak). Now I didn’t actually witness the impact, but according to the forensic evidence, Magic Johnson had bent to at least a 90 degree angle.
I think it goes without saying that I finished the job that evening, (quitting is for quitters) but the next morning was a very different a story. As I pulled Little Walter out to perform his morning business, I noticed two large blood blisters, one on each side of his neck and then after his business had begun, a burning pain started to grow. This was quite disturbing first thing in the morning and although I am not a big fan of most penises, I do have a very close and loving relationship with my own so I immediately got on the phone to schedule an emergency appointment with an urologist to find out if there was anything that could be done to save My Little Friend.
After a quick inspection of the damaged zone, the good doctor paused for quite a while and then said in a very unprofessional tone, “I’ve never seen anything like this before. Would you mind if I bring in my partner to take a look?” Had I known that his partner would be followed by every nurse in the office and a large group of medical students, I might have declined. After everyone had touched, poked and discussed possible treatment plans, the general consensus was to try high doses of Vitamin E and see what happened. Believe it or not, after about two weeks, the pain and the blood blisters were gone and Tiny Dancer was back in fighting form.
Almost a year to the day later, I woke up one morning with my usual Morning Wood, but I felt an excruciating pain coming from down under, as if my flesh was being ripped apart. By this time, I had relocated to a new city and so I had to go through the whole explanation and inspection process with a new urologist and his staff. This time the doctor explained to me that the damage that had been done a year ago had now turned into scar tissue. He went on to say that a possible treatment would be to surgically remove the scar tissue, but that the procedure typically created its own scar tissue. To which I replied, “What else you got, Doc?” After thinking about it for a while, he said we could try high doses of Vitamin E to try and dissolve the scar tissue. After about two months, the scar tissue (don’t ask me how I know) was completely gone and I’m happy to report that Free Willy is still going strong, albeit a little more cautious with his backswing these days.
It’s like I always say: Don’t cross the river Dude, if you can’t swim the tide.