Love is the emotion that allows us to feel our greatest joy as well as our deepest sorrow. It’s the emotion that we all strive to obtain and feel lost without. In my opinion, it is the only true emotion. Everything else is just some reaction to the absence of love. It also seems to be the one emotion that many of us have a hard time getting a real handle on.
I have a dear friend that has spent the majority of her life searching for “Mr. Right”, while all the while ignoring Mr. Right around the corner. She fixates on some unattainable target and this obsession seems to dominate her every waking moment, forcing her to live her life alone for the sake of some imaginary perfection. I have another friend that seems to have trouble “seeing the forest for the trees”. When involved in a successful relationship, he unconsciously does or says something that ends up sabotaging it. He is then left to experience deep regret for his actions, when all he really wants is someone to share his life with. What both of my friends have in common with the rest of us human beings is that we all just want to love and be loved. After years of experimentation (mostly unsuccessful), I’d like to share with you what I believe to be the two most important elements of a successful and long lasting relationship. Everything else is just a matter of respectful negotiation.
First and foremost, you gotta have chemistry. Some people say that you can learn to love someone over time and although this may be true for loving thy neighbor, it just doesn’t seem to work when it comes to romantic love. When I say chemistry, what I really mean is the physical attraction you experience when that special someone enters the room or that strong sense of longing when you smell her scent on the pillow next to you. It’s that feeling of complete contentment when you hold that person in your arms, as if you haven’t been able to fully exhale all day long. You might experience times when you feel as though that passion has slowed to a low simmer, but you know that all you have to do is turn up the heat a little and before you know it, you’re really “cooking with gas”. The tricky part is making sure that these feelings are mutual. Just because your heart rate goes up every time you see Angelina Jolie walking down the red carpet, it doesn’t necessarily mean she feels the same way about you.
Just as important, are you each other’s BFF? The test for this one is spending a three day weekend snowed in together in a one room cabin. If you find yourself wishing that the weekend would never end, you have a pretty good chance that this relationship will stand the test of time. On the other hand if you’re contemplating removing her vocal chords with a dull spoon, then not so much. The truth is that if all goes well, this is the person who you will spend the majority of your time with; more than your family, your friends, your coworkers or even your children. Keep in mind that you can have all the chemistry in the world, but if this isn't the person you’d call your best friend, then you’re just wasting your time.
Listen dude, the best advice I can give you is to always keep your eyes, arms, mind and heart wide open because everyone knows love cannot enter through a closed door.