Ask Wali, the Grateful Dude
Got a burning question? Looking for a Dude's perspective? Could you use some fresh insight? Send your question to [email protected].
Dear Wali,
I have a become obsessed over this one issue. I think about it every few minutes during the day. I lie awake thinking about it during the night during the night. It creeps into my most private thoughts and is just consuming my life. It even pops into my head while making love to the wife and is ruining my sex life as well.
Ok, here's the problem. I watched the original King Kong movie and there is one part that has taken over my thoughts. These people who live on the island with Kong have constructed a very sturdy high wall to keep Kong out of their village. When Kong gets pissed off he breaks down the giant King Kong size doors and gets through the wall.
Why on earth did these people put a set of King Kong size doors in a wall that was built to ... (wait for it) Keep Kong Out!
Perhaps you can help me, Zoloft, booze, pot, endless amounts of casual & meaningless sex and even duct tape over my brain have not been able to resolve my obsession with this question. You are my last hope before I attempt a do-it-yourself home lobotomy.
Signed,
Obsessed in Florida
Dear Obsessed,
I feel your pain my friend. Why didn’t they just make little islander size doors? How many islanders did it take to open and close those Kong size doors? Did they just wait until Kong was having a good day and coax him in with a gigantic banana anytime someone needed to leave or enter the village? Then there’s the question of Kong’s taste in women. There were plenty of hot island girls available for sacrifice. What was the attraction to Fay Wray? Maybe just an extreme case of jungle fever or some weird fetish for screamers.
I think I have just the advice you need to end your suffering… (wait for it)
TURN OFF THE BOOB TUBE AND MAKE LOVE TO YOUR WIFE!!!
Life is way too short to be wasting your time watching late night public domain films from the thirties. If you find that you’re unable to muster the courage to pull yourself away from the screen, at least order one of those rubber band powered work out systems they advertise every fifteen minutes and build a little muscle tone while you’re at it. If all else fails, I suggest inserting a #2 pencil (preferably sharpened) into your left ear, then apply even and steady pressure ;-p.
I have a become obsessed over this one issue. I think about it every few minutes during the day. I lie awake thinking about it during the night during the night. It creeps into my most private thoughts and is just consuming my life. It even pops into my head while making love to the wife and is ruining my sex life as well.
Ok, here's the problem. I watched the original King Kong movie and there is one part that has taken over my thoughts. These people who live on the island with Kong have constructed a very sturdy high wall to keep Kong out of their village. When Kong gets pissed off he breaks down the giant King Kong size doors and gets through the wall.
Why on earth did these people put a set of King Kong size doors in a wall that was built to ... (wait for it) Keep Kong Out!
Perhaps you can help me, Zoloft, booze, pot, endless amounts of casual & meaningless sex and even duct tape over my brain have not been able to resolve my obsession with this question. You are my last hope before I attempt a do-it-yourself home lobotomy.
Signed,
Obsessed in Florida
Dear Obsessed,
I feel your pain my friend. Why didn’t they just make little islander size doors? How many islanders did it take to open and close those Kong size doors? Did they just wait until Kong was having a good day and coax him in with a gigantic banana anytime someone needed to leave or enter the village? Then there’s the question of Kong’s taste in women. There were plenty of hot island girls available for sacrifice. What was the attraction to Fay Wray? Maybe just an extreme case of jungle fever or some weird fetish for screamers.
I think I have just the advice you need to end your suffering… (wait for it)
TURN OFF THE BOOB TUBE AND MAKE LOVE TO YOUR WIFE!!!
Life is way too short to be wasting your time watching late night public domain films from the thirties. If you find that you’re unable to muster the courage to pull yourself away from the screen, at least order one of those rubber band powered work out systems they advertise every fifteen minutes and build a little muscle tone while you’re at it. If all else fails, I suggest inserting a #2 pencil (preferably sharpened) into your left ear, then apply even and steady pressure ;-p.
Dear Wali,
I'm thirty-four years old and still don't know what I'm supposed to do with my life. Seems everyone I know has direction and clarity around this. I've been bouncing from idea to idea and job to job my whole life. I feel excited about something for a little while and then before long, I'm bored. What is this evasive life purpose everyone talks about and where is MINE?!
Signed,
Lost, yet to be found in Dallas
Dear Lost,
I felt the way you do for many years, but then I came to the realization that in the process of bouncing around from idea to idea and job to job, I met many diverse beings and had all kinds of experiences I might not have had if I found that so called life purpose right off the bat. I believe that our most sacred purpose for receiving this gift of life is to touch as many other lives as possible in the time we have here on earth. I’d like to think that all of those interactions were positive, but in the long run what really matters is the balance between quantity and quality. What I try to do is make it a point to truly see the person I come in contact with no matter what the circumstance of our meeting may be. Even something as simple as making eye contact with a passerby on the street, just long enough to flash a friendly smile to let them know I see you. I truly hope you find what it is you believe you’re looking for, but you just might come to the conclusion you've been living it all along.
I'm thirty-four years old and still don't know what I'm supposed to do with my life. Seems everyone I know has direction and clarity around this. I've been bouncing from idea to idea and job to job my whole life. I feel excited about something for a little while and then before long, I'm bored. What is this evasive life purpose everyone talks about and where is MINE?!
Signed,
Lost, yet to be found in Dallas
Dear Lost,
I felt the way you do for many years, but then I came to the realization that in the process of bouncing around from idea to idea and job to job, I met many diverse beings and had all kinds of experiences I might not have had if I found that so called life purpose right off the bat. I believe that our most sacred purpose for receiving this gift of life is to touch as many other lives as possible in the time we have here on earth. I’d like to think that all of those interactions were positive, but in the long run what really matters is the balance between quantity and quality. What I try to do is make it a point to truly see the person I come in contact with no matter what the circumstance of our meeting may be. Even something as simple as making eye contact with a passerby on the street, just long enough to flash a friendly smile to let them know I see you. I truly hope you find what it is you believe you’re looking for, but you just might come to the conclusion you've been living it all along.
Dear Wali,
There's a lot of depressing, terrible shit going on. I try to be a positive, optimistic person, but sometimes it's all just too much. How do you stay positive when there's just so much bad news, everywhere you turn?
Feeling pretty hopeless about our future as a society and mankind in general. Some people seem to think these are the best times, and that some great evolution is happening, but I can't get past this 'hell in a handbasket' sense of pending doom.
Signed,
Desperately Seeking Hope
Dear Hope,
I look at this period in time from a completely different perspective. I believe that we are living in the midst of the most important moment of positive change in human history. Unfortunately, human beings tend to be extremely resistant to change and as a result of that fear tend to act out against one another. You may notice that much of the trouble in the world today is being fueled by antiquated belief systems and long held prejudices. It’s unfortunate that as the saying goes “you need to break a few eggs in order to make an omelet”, but I feel that the human race is experiencing a metamorphosis much like the caterpillar breaking free of the cocoon to emerge a butterfly. I hope that you are able maintain your optimism just a little while longer as I believe that will all be witness to an awakening of monumental proportions.
There's a lot of depressing, terrible shit going on. I try to be a positive, optimistic person, but sometimes it's all just too much. How do you stay positive when there's just so much bad news, everywhere you turn?
Feeling pretty hopeless about our future as a society and mankind in general. Some people seem to think these are the best times, and that some great evolution is happening, but I can't get past this 'hell in a handbasket' sense of pending doom.
Signed,
Desperately Seeking Hope
Dear Hope,
I look at this period in time from a completely different perspective. I believe that we are living in the midst of the most important moment of positive change in human history. Unfortunately, human beings tend to be extremely resistant to change and as a result of that fear tend to act out against one another. You may notice that much of the trouble in the world today is being fueled by antiquated belief systems and long held prejudices. It’s unfortunate that as the saying goes “you need to break a few eggs in order to make an omelet”, but I feel that the human race is experiencing a metamorphosis much like the caterpillar breaking free of the cocoon to emerge a butterfly. I hope that you are able maintain your optimism just a little while longer as I believe that will all be witness to an awakening of monumental proportions.
One Old Dude's Guide to Growing Up Gracefully