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Lovin' Is What I Got

1/28/2015

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Valentine’s Day tends to get a bad rap. Some people profess that it’s a holiday invented by Hallmark solely for the purpose of selling more greeting cards, but the truth is that its origins go so far back that not even theologians can agree on just which saint actually was the inspiration for the celebration. Here in the USA, February 14th has morphed into the one day of the year that’s all about love. And what better reason to celebrate?

Love is the emotion that allows us to feel our greatest joy as well as our deepest sorrow. It’s the emotion that we all strive to obtain and feel lost without. In my opinion, it is the only true emotion.  Everything else is just some reaction to the absence of love. It also seems to be the one emotion that many of us have a hard time getting a real handle on.

 I have a dear friend that has spent the majority of her life searching for “Mr. Right”, while all the while ignoring Mr. Right around the corner. She fixates on some unattainable target and this obsession seems to dominate her every waking moment, forcing her to live her life alone for the sake of some imaginary perfection. I have another friend that seems to have trouble “seeing the forest for the trees”. When involved in a successful relationship, he unconsciously does or says something that ends up sabotaging it. He is then left to experience deep regret for his actions, when all he really wants is someone to share his life with. What both of my friends have in common with the rest of us human beings is that we all just want to love and be loved. After years of experimentation (mostly unsuccessful), I’d like to share with you what I believe to be the two most important elements of a successful and long lasting relationship.  Everything else is just a matter of respectful negotiation.  

First and foremost, you gotta have chemistry.  Some people say that you can learn to love someone over time and although this may be true for loving thy neighbor, it just doesn’t seem to work when it comes to romantic love. When I say chemistry, what I really mean is the physical attraction you experience when that special someone enters the room or that strong sense of longing when you smell her scent on the pillow next to you. It’s that feeling of complete contentment when you hold that person in your arms, as if you haven’t been able to fully exhale all day long. You might experience times when you feel as though that passion has slowed to a low simmer, but you know that all you have to do is turn up the heat a little and before you know it, you’re really “cooking with gas”. The tricky part is making sure that these feelings are mutual. Just because your heart rate goes up every time you see Angelina Jolie walking down the red carpet, it doesn’t necessarily mean she feels the same way about you.

Just as important, are you each other’s BFF?  The test for this one is spending a three day weekend snowed in together in a one room cabin.  If you find yourself wishing that the weekend would never end, you have a pretty good chance that this relationship will stand the test of time. 
On the other hand if you’re contemplating removing her vocal chords with a dull spoon, then not so much. The truth is that if all goes well, this is the person who you will spend the majority of your time with; more than your family, your friends, your coworkers or even your children. Keep in mind that you can have all the chemistry in the world, but if this isn't the person you’d call your best friend, then you’re just wasting your time.

Listen dude, the best advice I can give you is to always keep your eyes, arms, mind and heart wide open because everyone knows love cannot enter through a closed door.



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    About Wali,
    The Grateful Dude

    In my formative years, I was lucky enough to attend an amazing high school modeled after the freedom school from the Billie Jack films. The curriculum included outdoor education, pottery and organic farming and emphasized values like creativity, self awareness and a strong sense of community. I spent several summers traveling from show to show with The Grateful Dead and found that not only could I beat the crap out of a plastic bucket in a drum circle, I was also quite the imported beer salesman. My early career started off in the eighties driving limousine for posers, drug dealers and wannabe rock stars in Los Angeles. In the late eighties, I was introduced to the former owner of Paradise Lakes Nudist Resort who had just seduced and proposed to my roommate while she was on vacation in Florida. Fred took me aside one afternoon  and told me, “I like you, kid and since I’m taking your roommate and I’m pretty sure you can’t afford this beach rental on your own, why not come on out to Florida? I’ll find you a place to stay, give you a job and you’ll be surrounded by naked women”. So I loaded up my truck and moved to Paradise. Lakes, that is. Swimmin’ pools. Porno stars. (insert banjo solo here).

    I wake up every morning (well almost every morning) knowing that today is a wonderful gift to be unwrapped and explored. I believe that every day is filled with limitless possibilities and endless abundance. I’m convinced that our true purpose in life is to interact with our fellow beings and give witness to this amazing universe that surrounds us.

    If you are searching for miracles in life, you need go no farther than your backyard to realize that we are living in the midst of the greatest miracle of all.

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