I guess they were overwhelmed by my boldness or maybe just curious to see if I could really make it happen. Nevertheless, they gave me a $400 budget and their blessing. After the meeting ended, my good friend and prince of all things mechanical, John, approached me and asked, “How the hell you plan on pulling this one off?” I had to admit to him that I really didn’t have a clue. He said, “Don’t worry about a thing. I know a guy. Just get them to give you the cash and meet me up at the maintenance shed at 6pm sharp tomorrow afternoon.”
It took a little fast talking and whole lotta ass kissing to convince the office manager that this was all kosher, but after scribbling out a hand written receipt, she reluctantly handed over the cash. The next day, I arrived at the designated time, green backs in hand. John was there waiting for me and after a few minutes, a white Ford Econoline van with blacked out windows pulled up next to us and out stepped a greasy haired Guido type. He smiled and said “Let’s do this”. He walked around to the back of the van, opened the doors and there it was; the biggest cache of explosives I had ever seen. I naïvely asked, “ So am I supposed to pick out what I want or what?” He said, “No Dude, this is what you get for $400. Unload the truck, give me the cash and our business is finished here.” I knew right then that this was going to be an amazing Independence Day celebration.
Finally, the big day arrived. My compadre, Anthony, helped me set up the display. We could see that a large crowd was assembling to secure optimal seating for the evening’s festivities. We started the show off by handing sparklers out to the children and then we moved on to some ground effects and some of the lower end rockets. Everything was going off without a hitch, but we had saved the best for last.
We fired off the first big rocket of our planned grand finale. It took off straight and true, but for some strange reason decided to make a 90’ degree turn heading directly for a lounge chair that was currently occupied by a lovely young lady. The rocket planted itself firmly under this woman’s chair and proceeded to perform its assigned routine. Unfortunately, this beautiful nudist had neglected to follow the cardinal rule of nudism and forgot to put down a towel before taking her seat.
As the flames whipped around her nether regions it was then that I witnessed one of the bravest acts of heroism I have ever seen before or since. Without any consideration for his own safety, Tony! Toni! Tone! lept to the aid of this unfortunate damsel in distress and in what I can only describe as a gentle patting procedure, extinguished the fire between her legs. Luckily, the young lady was not seriously injured and after all the commotion settled down, we finished the grand finale to the delight of all in attendance. At least that’s how I remember it.
This 4th of July, just keep in mind what Smokey always says “Only DUDES can prevent Bush Fires”.