One Old Dude's Guide to Growing Up Gracefully
  • Blog
  • Published Articles
  • Welcome
    • Dudeism
    • Contact
  • Grate Recipes
  • Ask Wali
  • The Artwork of Brianna Torre
  • MBI Coaches' Summit
  • A Celebration of the Life of Sylvia Schmitt

Bad Instant Karma

11/30/2017

1 Comment

 
Picture
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, an epic battle took place in a town called LA. Two behemoth rock stations existed and it was clear that there wasn’t enough room in tinsel town for the both of them. It was decided that there would be a showdown and that the loser would have to change its format forever, never to again play Rock N Roll. The combatants were KMET 94.7 and KLOS 95.5 and they competed for rock FM radio dominance throughout the 1970s, but by the 80’s, both stations had begun to see their listenership dwindle due to the emergence of the punk rock and new wave scenes with new stations emerging that appealed more to younger listeners. When the battle for listeners reached a fevered pitch during the summer of ’86, I was working as a limo driver. I mostly worked nights so my days basically consisted of waking up late, getting high and listening to FM radio. The fight was for listeners and the best way to draw listeners was to give away a bunch of cool shit. 
The game was that you had to listen in the morning when the station announced the song of the day and then keep listening all day until you heard that song being played. As soon as the song began, you’d run to the nearest phone and try to be the specified caller number. If you were lucky enough to get through, you would hear some intern’s voice on the other end of the phone exclaiming, “You’re Today’s Winner!”  If you weren’t so lucky, you’d hear, “You’re caller number 25, try again.” followed by a click. 
As the summer heated up, the promotions got bigger and bigger. What started out as albums and concert tickets quickly progressed into European vacations and thousands of dollars in cash. Eventually, the insanity peaked with the mother of all giveaways when KLOS announced that they would be giving away a classic car every week for a month. The deal was that they would give away one key every weekday to the 95th caller and on Saturday, the winners would gather at the station to see whose key would actually unlock the door. That’s when I decided to get serious and from then on, I made it my sole mission in life to win one of those cars. I made sure that every morning, hung over or not, I listened to the radio at 9 am to hear the song of the day and made every effort to listen until I heard that song being played. I would then rush to the nearest phone and start calling.  It takes quite a while for an intern to answer 95 calls.
On the final week, they had saved the best for last; a cherry red 1959 Corvette convertible with a big white stripe down the side. My quest intensified and I pulled out all the stops by making sure that I didn’t miss a single opportunity that week. Strangely enough, as my focus sharpened so did my confidence. Now that may have had more to do with the fact that I had successfully gotten through a couple of weeks earlier and won a pair of tickets to a Julian Lennon concert than it did with some sort of premonition, but I just had a good feeling this time.
On Friday, when I heard the song of the day, I began my calling ritual only to hear fast busy after fast busy and then after what seemed to be an hour of trying (probably more like ten minutes), the line started ringing. Eventually someone picked up the line and said “Congratulations, you’re the 95th caller!” I was absolutely speechless until the intern said “I just have one question for you, have you won anything from this station in the last 90 days?” to which I quickly replied “just a pair of Julian Lennon tickets” and before I could get the words out of my mouth, the intern said “Sorry, you’re disqualified.” and hung up the phone. I’ll never know whether my key would have unlocked that car door, but I’m pretty sure it was that Bad Instant Karma that put an end to Julian Lennon’s music career.

It’s like I said that time I ran for Governor of the Great State of Alabama,
​“When in doubt; deny, deny, deny, Dude.”

 
Picture
Picture
Picture
1 Comment

    Subscribe to The Dudesletter Monthly Newsletter

    * indicates required
    Picture

    About Wali,
    The Grateful Dude

    In my formative years, I was lucky enough to attend an amazing high school modeled after the freedom school from the Billie Jack films. The curriculum included outdoor education, pottery and organic farming and emphasized values like creativity, self awareness and a strong sense of community. I spent several summers traveling from show to show with The Grateful Dead and found that not only could I beat the crap out of a plastic bucket in a drum circle, I was also quite the imported beer salesman. My early career started off in the eighties driving limousine for posers, drug dealers and wannabe rock stars in Los Angeles. In the late eighties, I was introduced to the former owner of Paradise Lakes Nudist Resort who had just seduced and proposed to my roommate while she was on vacation in Florida. Fred took me aside one afternoon  and told me, “I like you, kid and since I’m taking your roommate and I’m pretty sure you can’t afford this beach rental on your own, why not come on out to Florida? I’ll find you a place to stay, give you a job and you’ll be surrounded by naked women”. So I loaded up my truck and moved to Paradise. Lakes, that is. Swimmin’ pools. Porno stars. (insert banjo solo here).

    I wake up every morning (well almost every morning) knowing that today is a wonderful gift to be unwrapped and explored. I believe that every day is filled with limitless possibilities and endless abundance. I’m convinced that our true purpose in life is to interact with our fellow beings and give witness to this amazing universe that surrounds us.

    If you are searching for miracles in life, you need go no farther than your backyard to realize that we are living in the midst of the greatest miracle of all.

    Archives

    October 2018
    August 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    January 2018
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    October 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed